While Bob is a cancerous sonofabitch, he did me the one courtesy of putting down his roots in a spot where I was able to find him by accident. Despite my aforementioned history of multiple breast lumps, I do not perform breast exams on myself regularly. But, I know most of my lumps and where they are and what they feel like. So this year, for Thanksgiving, I express my belated gratitude to Bob for his location, near my armpit. And that I practice at least average personal hygiene and soap my pits most days. And because of that, I discovered the evil lump while it was still small. I can’t say for sure at this point, but I’d like to think the outcome will be overall better because of it.

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